Hallmark cards - Outside n Inside

1. I always wanted to have someone, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life...

(Inside card)   - I've changed my mind.  

2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...  
(Inside card)   - I never believed in Hell until I met you.  

3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am....  
(Inside card) -   That you're not here to ruin it for me ..

4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go....  
(Inside card) -   Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.  

5. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age....  
(Inside card) -   Almost lifelike!  

6. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...  
(Inside card) -   Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.  

7. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy....  
(Inside card) -   Did you ever find out who the father was?  

8. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...  
(Inside card)   - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often .

9. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday...  
(Inside card)   - So we're having you put to sleep.  

10. Looking back over the years that we have been together, I can't help but   wonder.....  
(Inside card) -   What the   hell   was I thinking  

11. I'm so miserable without you...  
(Inside card) -   It's almost like you're still here.  

12. Thank you for being part of my life.....  
(Inside card) -   I never knew what evil was until I met you!  

13. Congratulations on your wedding day!  
(Inside card) -   Too bad no one likes your husband.  

14. How can I say this....  
(Inside card) -   Your cooking kills me  

15. Hooray.....  
(Inside card) -   You're divorced.  

16. I just want you to know that I'm sorry for what happened...  
(Inside card) -   Especially since you survived.  

17. Congrats on getting married...  
(Inside card) -   It's not everyday you decide to ruin your life.  

18. Someday I hope to marry...  
(inside card) -   Someone other than you.

19. We have been friends for a very long time...
(inside card) -   What do you say we stop?

Do You Know?

1. Coca-Cola was originally green.

2. the most common name in the world is Mohammed.

3. The name of all the continents ends with the same letter that   they
start with.

4. The
 strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

5. There are two credit cards for every person in the United States .

6. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can   be made using the letters
Only
 on one row! Of the keyboard.

7. Women blink nearly twice as much as men!!

8. You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.

9. Both Humans and Giraffee   have the same number of bones in the neck


10. People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze,
Your
 Heart stops for a
 millisecond.

11. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

12. The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the
toughest tongue twister in the English
 language.

13. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to
 suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in
 your head or neck and die.

14. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from
history.

Spades - King David
Clubs - Alexander the Great,
Hearts - Charlemagne
Diamonds - Julius Caesar.

15. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987, 654,321

16. If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs
In the air, the   person died in battle.

17. If
 the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of
wounds received in battle.

18. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of
Natural causes.

19. What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes,   windshield wipers and
Laser printers all have in common?
Ans. - All invented by women.

20. Question - This is the only food that doesn't spoil. What is this?
Ans. - Honey

21. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

22. A snail can sleep for three years.

23. All polar bears are left handed.

24. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive
From each salad served in first-class.

25. Butterflies taste with their feet.

26. Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

27. In the last
 4000
 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

28. On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.

29. Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.

30. Stewardesses are the longest word typed with only the left
 hand.

31. The ant always falls over on its right side   when intoxicated.

32. The
 electric chair was invented by a dentist.

33. The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the
Body to squirt blood 30
 feet.

34. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have
Over million   descendants.

35. Wearing headphones for just
 an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

36. The cigarette lighter was invented before
 the match.

37. Most lipstick contains fish scales.

38. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different

39. There is a Butterfly in Brazil which
 has the color of chocolates And also smells like Chocolate

40. Giraffee can clean there ears with their
 tongue

41. It is impossible to lick your elbow.

42. And finally 99% of people who read this would try to
 lick their Elbow now

Most Overused Adult Line in Indian Cinema

main kisi ko munh dikhane ke kabil nahi rahi.     


yeh paise pakad aur iss seher mein vapas matt aana    


bachcha mera hai    


abb sab oopar wale ke haath mein hai!!    

main maa banne walli hoon!!!    

pregnant gal`s parents after hearing the news:
"yeh sunnne se pehle nbagwan tune hume uttha kyun nahin liya "    


preg. gal after the guy refuses to giv his name to the child:
mein iss bachche ko jaroor janam doongi"    


gal urging the rapist" mujhe bhagwan ke liye chhoode do"    



"main tum mein sama jaaoon, tum mujh mein sama jaao"...
(shy to say let's have sex !!)    

girl explaining the time of sex.................
""yeh ......yeh sab kuch itna achaanak ho gaya kee................
hum apne aap ko rok nahi paae!!!""    


saas to bahu......kutti,kamini,karmjali,kalmuhi,kulta......    


"aaj main tumhe apna banakar rahoonga"...Followed by echoed "nahi" from the prey.    


after rape:
gal's parents :- yeh sab kya ho gaya?

(gal replys - kuch nahi sap sedi khel rahe hain)    

Kalankni kahan muh kaala karva ke aa rahi hai
This may not b the recent movie line as nowadays mooh kala karvana is nothing bad

Kalankni kahan muh kaala karva ke aa rahi hai    


Dekh ke Fat gayi kya
Dekh ke Fat gayi kya    


WHILE A PERSON IS DYING
TUM MUJHE CHOD KE NAHIN JAA SAKTE    


this is from film....KUCH KUCH HOTA HAI.....

the title itself is a double-meaning kind.....like kuch kuch hota hai means....he/she is getting stimulated for sex..he he ehe    


girl returns home after being raped. clothes all in tatters, hair all messed up ... and the girl's mother screams .... "Hey Bhagwan yeh tune kya kiya?" ... how the hell did she know the name of the rapist is Bhagwan


 pata nahi bhagwan hume kaunse paapon ki sazaa de raha hai...??????
eeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkk...i mean fo heaven's sake ya....    


Girl: Bhagwan ke liye mujhe chhode do
Rapist: agar tumhe bhgawan ke liye chhode dunga to mera kaya hoga janeman    

overused and over repeated hindi lines can be nothin other than the rot stale hindi songs..all sound nd mean the same....    

gal during rape scene:"mujhe bhagwaan ke liye chhod do"...abbe kya bhagwaan tera rape karenge    


dharmender's favourite line:
kutte mein tera khoon pee jaunga    


chup le jhan tujhe chupna par ek baat yaad rakhiyo tu jhaan jayega vahin aa kar maroonga tujhe    


Hey bhagwaan... yeh maine kya kar dala    


hero comes home overjoyed ..
"Maa main BA First class first pass hua"    


Mother(maa)to her Son(of course d Hero)

"Beta maine aaj teri pasand ka Gajar ka Halwa banaya hai!"    


bachao.. bachao.. koi mujhe bachao..

 bachha gira do
lolz    


wats say
a pregnenet womens mother in a horrified state says to d god:
yeh sab teri gslti hai
haha:) lol    


dialogue wale chutiye kyun hote hai
women says after knowing dat she gonna get pregnanent
NAHI YEH NAI HO SAKTA    


After rebirth mother says
" Woh zaroor wapus aayega"
n hero ki entry    


"NAHIN"
put it in any situation....it fits!!!!!!!!!    


gul to the bad man : tum mera tan le sakte ho per mera maan sirf uska[hero] he rahega

bad man: mujha waise bhi sirf tera tan he chaheya

Don't Quit

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow,
Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.
                                                                  
                                                              - Unknown

Have a laugh!

> Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are
> always getting into trouble and their parents know all
> about it. If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are
> probably involved.
>
> The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had
> been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak
> with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them
> individually..
>
> So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the
> morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.
>
>
> The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the
> younger boy down and asked him sternly,
>
> "Do you know where God is, son?"
>
> The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response,
> sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
>
> So the preacher repeated the question in an even
> sterner tone, "Where is God?!"
>
> Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher
> raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and
> bellowed,
>
> "Where is God?!"
>
> The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran
> directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
>
> When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "what happened?"
> The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We
> are in BIG trouble this time.
>

> scroll down
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> GOD is missing, and they think we did it!