A guy phones up his Boss,
but gets the bosses' wife instead.
"I'm afraid he died last week."
she explains. The next day the
man calls again and asks for
the boss. "I told you" the wife replies,
"he died last week." The next day
he calls again and once more
asks to Speak to his boss.
By this time the wife is getting
upset and shouts, "I'VE ALREADY
TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND,
YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING.....?"
He replied laughing,
"I just love hearing it... "
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Monday, January 22, 2007
Racism
The following scene took place on a BA flight between
Johannesburg and London.
This is a true story.
A White woman, about 50 years old, was seated next to a Black man. Obviously disturbed by this, she called the air Hostess.
"Madam, what is the matter," the Hostess asked.
"You obviously do not see it then?" she responded.
"You placed me next to a Black man.
I do not agree to sit next to someone from such a repugnant group.
Give me an alternative seat."
"Be calm please, " the Hostess replied.
"Almost all the places on this flight are taken.
I will go to see if another seat is available."
The Hostess went away and then came back a few minutes later.
"Madam, just as I thought, there are no other available seats
in the Economy class.
I spoke to the Captain and he informed me that there is
also no seats in the Business class.
All the same, we still have one seat in the First class."
Before the woman could say anything, the Hostess continued:
"It is not usual for our company to permit someone from
the Economy class to sit in the First class.
However, given the circumstances,
the Captain feels that it would be scandalous to make
someone sit next to someone so disgusting."
She turned to the Black guy, and said,
"Therefore, Sir,
if you would like to, please collect your hand luggage,
a seat awaits you in First class."
At that moment, the other passengers who were shocked by
what they had just witnessed stood up and applauded.
If you are against Racism, please send this message to all your friends. Please do not delete it without sending it to at least one person
Johannesburg and London.
This is a true story.
A White woman, about 50 years old, was seated next to a Black man. Obviously disturbed by this, she called the air Hostess.
"Madam, what is the matter," the Hostess asked.
"You obviously do not see it then?" she responded.
"You placed me next to a Black man.
I do not agree to sit next to someone from such a repugnant group.
Give me an alternative seat."
"Be calm please, " the Hostess replied.
"Almost all the places on this flight are taken.
I will go to see if another seat is available."
The Hostess went away and then came back a few minutes later.
"Madam, just as I thought, there are no other available seats
in the Economy class.
I spoke to the Captain and he informed me that there is
also no seats in the Business class.
All the same, we still have one seat in the First class."
Before the woman could say anything, the Hostess continued:
"It is not usual for our company to permit someone from
the Economy class to sit in the First class.
However, given the circumstances,
the Captain feels that it would be scandalous to make
someone sit next to someone so disgusting."
She turned to the Black guy, and said,
"Therefore, Sir,
if you would like to, please collect your hand luggage,
a seat awaits you in First class."
At that moment, the other passengers who were shocked by
what they had just witnessed stood up and applauded.
If you are against Racism, please send this message to all your friends. Please do not delete it without sending it to at least one person
Thursday, January 18, 2007
A Teenage Girl
A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit some friends one evening and
time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the
past year.
She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone.
She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few
blocks away.
As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep
her safe from harm and danger.
When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she
decided to take it.
However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end
as though he were waiting for her.
She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection.
Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round
her, she felt as though someone was walking with her.
When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man
and arrived home safely.
The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been
raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there.
Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have
been her, she began to weep.
Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she
decided to go to the police station.
She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story.
The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see
if she could identify him.
She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the
alley the night before.
When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down
and confessed.
The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was
anything they could do for her.
She asked if they would ask the man one question.
Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her.
When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone.
She had two tall men walking on either side of her."
Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know
that 98% of teenagers will not stand up for God?
Repost this as Love vs. Sex if you truly believe in God.
PS: God is always there in your heart and loves you no matter
what.....and if you stand up 4 him he will stand up for you.
I bet 93% of the people that read this wont repost it.
time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the
past year.
She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone.
She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few
blocks away.
As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep
her safe from harm and danger.
When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she
decided to take it.
However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end
as though he were waiting for her.
She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection.
Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round
her, she felt as though someone was walking with her.
When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man
and arrived home safely.
The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been
raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there.
Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have
been her, she began to weep.
Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she
decided to go to the police station.
She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story.
The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see
if she could identify him.
She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the
alley the night before.
When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down
and confessed.
The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was
anything they could do for her.
She asked if they would ask the man one question.
Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her.
When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone.
She had two tall men walking on either side of her."
Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know
that 98% of teenagers will not stand up for God?
Repost this as Love vs. Sex if you truly believe in God.
PS: God is always there in your heart and loves you no matter
what.....and if you stand up 4 him he will stand up for you.
I bet 93% of the people that read this wont repost it.
U Will Love It
"U love someone
U marry someone else.
The one u marry
becomes ur wife or husband.
And the one u loved
becomes the password of ur mail id"
---------------
There's only one perfect child in the world & every mother has it.
There's only one perfect wife in the world & every neighbour has it.
---------------
If someone says u r ugly, its ok, if someone says u r stupid, its ok,
If someone says u r a genius slap him as tight as you can cos there is
limit of kidding n someone just crossed it.
---------------
Three dreams of a man:
To be as handsome as his mother thinks.
To be as rich as his child believes.
To have as many women as his wife suspects...
---------------
Husband & wife are like liver and kidney. Husband is the liver & wife
the kidney.
If the liver fails, the kidney fails. If the kidney fails, the liver
manages with other kidney.
---------------
Generation Next Motto: Na hum shaadi karenge, na apne bachchon ko karne
denge.
---------------
What's the diff between Dava & Daru?
Dava is like a girlfriend, that comes with an expiry date and
Daru is like a wife, Jitni purani hogi utna sir chad ke bolegi.
---------------
Wife ko Begum kyon kehte hain?
Kyonki shaadi ke baad saare gum to husband ke hisse mein aate hain or
wife Be-Gum ho jaati hai.
---------------
The Japanese have produced a camera that has such a fast shutter speed
it can take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut!
U marry someone else.
The one u marry
becomes ur wife or husband.
And the one u loved
becomes the password of ur mail id"
---------------
There's only one perfect child in the world & every mother has it.
There's only one perfect wife in the world & every neighbour has it.
---------------
If someone says u r ugly, its ok, if someone says u r stupid, its ok,
If someone says u r a genius slap him as tight as you can cos there is
limit of kidding n someone just crossed it.
---------------
Three dreams of a man:
To be as handsome as his mother thinks.
To be as rich as his child believes.
To have as many women as his wife suspects...
---------------
Husband & wife are like liver and kidney. Husband is the liver & wife
the kidney.
If the liver fails, the kidney fails. If the kidney fails, the liver
manages with other kidney.
---------------
Generation Next Motto: Na hum shaadi karenge, na apne bachchon ko karne
denge.
---------------
What's the diff between Dava & Daru?
Dava is like a girlfriend, that comes with an expiry date and
Daru is like a wife, Jitni purani hogi utna sir chad ke bolegi.
---------------
Wife ko Begum kyon kehte hain?
Kyonki shaadi ke baad saare gum to husband ke hisse mein aate hain or
wife Be-Gum ho jaati hai.
---------------
The Japanese have produced a camera that has such a fast shutter speed
it can take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut!
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Why Indians Cant Be Terrorist
> ü We are always late; we would have missed all 4 flights.
>
> ü Pretty girls on the plane would distract us.
>
> ü We would talk loudly and bring attention to ourselves.
>
> ü With food and drinks on the plane, we would forget why we're there.
>
> ü We talk with our hands; therefore we would have to put our weapons
> down.
>
> ü We would ALL want to fly the plane.
>
> ü We would argue and start a fight in the plane.
>
> ü We can't keep a secret; we would have told everyone a week before
> doing it.
>
> ü We would have put our country's flag on the windshield due to our
> excessive patriotism.
>
> ü We would all have fallen over each other to be in the photograph
> Being taken by one of the stupid hostages.
>
>
>
> SO INDIANS CAN'T EVER BE TERRORISTS
Monday, January 08, 2007
Some interesting info about F1 cars
01. F1 car is made up of 80,000 components, if it were assembled
99.9% correctly, it would still start the race with 80 things wrong!
02. Formula 1 cars have over a kilometre of cable, linked to about
100 sensors and actuators which monitor and control many parts of the
car.
03. F1 car can go from 0 to 160 kph AND back to 0 in FOUR
seconds!!!!!!!
04. F1 car engines last only for about 2 hours of racing mostly
before blowing up on the other hand we expect our engines to last us
for a decent 20yrs on an average and they quite faithfully
DO....thats the extent to which the engines r pushed to perform...
05. When an F1 driver hits the brakes on his car he experiences
retardation or deceleration comparable to a regular car driving
through a BRICK wall at 300kmph !!!
06. An average F1 driver looses about 4kgs of weight after just one
race due to the prolonged exposure to high G forces and temperatures
for little over an hour (Yeah thats right!!!)
07. At 550kg a F1 car is less than half the weight of a Mini.
08. In F1 car the engine typically revs upto 18000 rpm,(the
piston travelling up and down 300 times a second!!) wheres cars like
the palio, maruti 800,indica rev only upto 6000 rpm at max. Thats 3
times slower.
09. The brake discs in an F1 car have an operating temperature of
approx 1000 degees Centigrade and they attain that temp while
braking before almost every turn...that is why they r not made of steel
but of carbon fibre which is much more harder and resistant to wear
and tear and most of all has a higher melting point.
10. If a water hose were to blow off, the complete cooling system
would empty in just over a second.
11. Gear cogs or ratios are used only for one race, and are replaced
regularly to prevent failure, as they are subjected to very high degrees
of stress.
12. The fit in the cockpit is so tight that the steering wheel must
be removed for the driver to get in or out of the car. A small latch
behind the wheel releases it from the column. Levers or paddles for
changing gear are located on the back of the wheel. So no gearstick!
The clutch levers are also on the steering wheel, located below the gear
paddles.
13. To give you an idea of just how important aerodynamic design and
added downforce can be, small planes can take off at slower speeds
than F1 cars travel on the track.
14. Without aerodynamic downforce, high-performance racing cars have
sufficient power to produce wheel spin and loss of control at 160
kph. They usually race at over 300 kph.
15. The amount of aerodynamic downforce produced by the front and
rear wings and the car underbody is amazing. Once the car is
travelling over 160 kph, an F1 car can generate enough downforce to
equal it's own weight. That means it could actually hold itself to the
CEILING of a
tunnel and drive UPSIDE down!
16. In a street course race like the monaco grand prix, the
downforce provides enough suction to lift manhole covers. Before
the race all of the manhole covers on the streets have to be welded down
to prevent this from happening!
17. The refuelers used in F1 can supply 12 litres of fuel per
second. This means it would take just 4 seconds to fill the tank of
an average 50 litre family car.They use the same refueling rigs
used on US military helicopters today.
18. TOP F1 pit crews can refuel and change tyres in around 3
seconds. It took me 8 sec to read above point ( no.17).
19. Race car tyres don't have air in them like normal car tyres.
Most racing tyres have nitrogen in the tyres because nitrogen has a
more consistent pressure compared to normal air. Air typically
contains varying amounts of water vapour in it, which affects its
expansion
andcontraction as a function of temperature, making the tyre pressure
unpredictable.
20. During the race the tyres lose weight! Each tyre loses about 0.5
kg in weight due to wear.
21. Normal tyres last 60 000 - 100 000 km. Racing tyres are
designed to last 90 - 120 km (That's Khandala and back from Mumbai).
22. A dry-weather F1 tyre reaches peak operating performance (best
grip) when tread temperature is between 900C and 1200C.(Water
boils boils at 100C remember) At top speed, F1 tyres rotate 50 times a
second
99.9% correctly, it would still start the race with 80 things wrong!
02. Formula 1 cars have over a kilometre of cable, linked to about
100 sensors and actuators which monitor and control many parts of the
car.
03. F1 car can go from 0 to 160 kph AND back to 0 in FOUR
seconds!!!!!!!
04. F1 car engines last only for about 2 hours of racing mostly
before blowing up on the other hand we expect our engines to last us
for a decent 20yrs on an average and they quite faithfully
DO....thats the extent to which the engines r pushed to perform...
05. When an F1 driver hits the brakes on his car he experiences
retardation or deceleration comparable to a regular car driving
through a BRICK wall at 300kmph !!!
06. An average F1 driver looses about 4kgs of weight after just one
race due to the prolonged exposure to high G forces and temperatures
for little over an hour (Yeah thats right!!!)
07. At 550kg a F1 car is less than half the weight of a Mini.
08. In F1 car the engine typically revs upto 18000 rpm,(the
piston travelling up and down 300 times a second!!) wheres cars like
the palio, maruti 800,indica rev only upto 6000 rpm at max. Thats 3
times slower.
09. The brake discs in an F1 car have an operating temperature of
approx 1000 degees Centigrade and they attain that temp while
braking before almost every turn...that is why they r not made of steel
but of carbon fibre which is much more harder and resistant to wear
and tear and most of all has a higher melting point.
10. If a water hose were to blow off, the complete cooling system
would empty in just over a second.
11. Gear cogs or ratios are used only for one race, and are replaced
regularly to prevent failure, as they are subjected to very high degrees
of stress.
12. The fit in the cockpit is so tight that the steering wheel must
be removed for the driver to get in or out of the car. A small latch
behind the wheel releases it from the column. Levers or paddles for
changing gear are located on the back of the wheel. So no gearstick!
The clutch levers are also on the steering wheel, located below the gear
paddles.
13. To give you an idea of just how important aerodynamic design and
added downforce can be, small planes can take off at slower speeds
than F1 cars travel on the track.
14. Without aerodynamic downforce, high-performance racing cars have
sufficient power to produce wheel spin and loss of control at 160
kph. They usually race at over 300 kph.
15. The amount of aerodynamic downforce produced by the front and
rear wings and the car underbody is amazing. Once the car is
travelling over 160 kph, an F1 car can generate enough downforce to
equal it's own weight. That means it could actually hold itself to the
CEILING of a
tunnel and drive UPSIDE down!
16. In a street course race like the monaco grand prix, the
downforce provides enough suction to lift manhole covers. Before
the race all of the manhole covers on the streets have to be welded down
to prevent this from happening!
17. The refuelers used in F1 can supply 12 litres of fuel per
second. This means it would take just 4 seconds to fill the tank of
an average 50 litre family car.They use the same refueling rigs
used on US military helicopters today.
18. TOP F1 pit crews can refuel and change tyres in around 3
seconds. It took me 8 sec to read above point ( no.17).
19. Race car tyres don't have air in them like normal car tyres.
Most racing tyres have nitrogen in the tyres because nitrogen has a
more consistent pressure compared to normal air. Air typically
contains varying amounts of water vapour in it, which affects its
expansion
andcontraction as a function of temperature, making the tyre pressure
unpredictable.
20. During the race the tyres lose weight! Each tyre loses about 0.5
kg in weight due to wear.
21. Normal tyres last 60 000 - 100 000 km. Racing tyres are
designed to last 90 - 120 km (That's Khandala and back from Mumbai).
22. A dry-weather F1 tyre reaches peak operating performance (best
grip) when tread temperature is between 900C and 1200C.(Water
boils boils at 100C remember) At top speed, F1 tyres rotate 50 times a
second
CNBC interview with Warren Buffet
There was a one hour interview on CNBC with Warren Buffet, the second richest man who has donated $31 billion to charity. Here are some very interesting aspects of his life:
1) He bought his first share at age 11 and he now regrets that he started too late!
2) He bought a small farm at age 14 with savings from delivering newspapers.
3) He still lives in the same small 3 bedroom house in mid-town Omaha, that he bought after he got married 50 years ago. He says that he has everything he needs in that house. His house does not have a wall or a fence.
4) He drives his own car everywhere and does not have a driver or security people around him.
5) He never travels by private jet, although he owns the world's largest private jet company.
6) His company, Berkshire Hathaway, owns 63 companies. He writes only one letter each year to the CEOs of these companies, giving them goals for the year. He never holds meetings or calls them on a regular basis.
7) He has given his CEO's only two rules. Rule number 1: do not lose any of your shareholder's money. Rule number 2: Do not forget rule number 1.
8) He does not socialize with the high society crowd. His past time after he gets home is to make himself some pop corn and watch television.
9) Bill Gates, the world's richest man met him for the first time only 5 years ago. Bill Gates did not think he had anything in common with Warren Buffet. So he had scheduled his meeting only for half hour. But when Gates met him, the meeting lasted for ten hours and Bill Gates became a devotee of Warren Buffet.
10) Warren Buffet does not carry a cell phone, nor has a computer on his desk.
11) His advice to young people: Stay away from credit cards and invest in yourself.
1) He bought his first share at age 11 and he now regrets that he started too late!
2) He bought a small farm at age 14 with savings from delivering newspapers.
3) He still lives in the same small 3 bedroom house in mid-town Omaha, that he bought after he got married 50 years ago. He says that he has everything he needs in that house. His house does not have a wall or a fence.
4) He drives his own car everywhere and does not have a driver or security people around him.
5) He never travels by private jet, although he owns the world's largest private jet company.
6) His company, Berkshire Hathaway, owns 63 companies. He writes only one letter each year to the CEOs of these companies, giving them goals for the year. He never holds meetings or calls them on a regular basis.
7) He has given his CEO's only two rules. Rule number 1: do not lose any of your shareholder's money. Rule number 2: Do not forget rule number 1.
8) He does not socialize with the high society crowd. His past time after he gets home is to make himself some pop corn and watch television.
9) Bill Gates, the world's richest man met him for the first time only 5 years ago. Bill Gates did not think he had anything in common with Warren Buffet. So he had scheduled his meeting only for half hour. But when Gates met him, the meeting lasted for ten hours and Bill Gates became a devotee of Warren Buffet.
10) Warren Buffet does not carry a cell phone, nor has a computer on his desk.
11) His advice to young people: Stay away from credit cards and invest in yourself.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
!!Our Sardar are in a bar!!
Pakistani, Bangladeshi and OUR Sardar are in a bar one night
having a beer.
The Pakistani drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass
in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says "In Islamabad our glasses are so cheap that we don't
need to drink from the same one twice."
The Bangladeshi [obviously impressed by this] drinks his
beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and
shoots the glass to pieces.
He says "In Dhaka we have so much sand to make the glasses
that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice
either."
OUR Sardar, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks
it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and
shoots the Pakistani and Bangladeshi.
He says "In India we have so many Pakistanis and Bangladeshi
that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice."
Balle balle !!!!
having a beer.
The Pakistani drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass
in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says "In Islamabad our glasses are so cheap that we don't
need to drink from the same one twice."
The Bangladeshi [obviously impressed by this] drinks his
beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and
shoots the glass to pieces.
He says "In Dhaka we have so much sand to make the glasses
that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice
either."
OUR Sardar, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks
it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and
shoots the Pakistani and Bangladeshi.
He says "In India we have so many Pakistanis and Bangladeshi
that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice."
Balle balle !!!!
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