After returning to India from the "US"

21. Tries to use credit cards in a road side hotel.

 

20 . Drinks and carries mineral water and always speaks of being health conscious.

 

19 . Sprays deo so that he doesn't need to take bath.

 

18. Sneezes and says 'Excuse me'.

 

17. Says "Hey" instead of "Hi".

 

Says "Yogurt" instead of "Curds".

 

Says "Cab" instead of "Taxi".

 

Says "Candy" instead of "Chocolate".

 

Says "Cookie" instead of "Biscuit".

 

Says " Free Way " instead of "Highway".

 

Says "got to go" instead of "Have to go".

 

Says "Oh" instead of "Zero", (for 704, he will say Seven Oh Four Instead of Seven Zero Four)

 

16. Doesn't forget to crib about the air pollution.

 

Keeps cribbing every time he steps out.

 

15. Says all the distances in Miles (Not in Kilo Meters), and counts in Millions. (Not in Lakhs)

 

14. Tries to figure all the prices in Dollars as far as possible (but deep inside multiplies by 43).

 

13. Tries to see the % of fat on the cover of a milk pocket.

 

12. When he needs to say Z (zed), he never says Z (Zed), instead repeats "Zee" several times,

 

and if the other person is unable to get it, then says X, Y Zee(but never says Zed)

 

11 . Writes the date in MM/DD/YYYY. On watching traditional DD/MM/YYYY, says "Oh! British Style!!!!"

 

10. Makes fun of Indian Standard Time and the Indian Road Conditions.

 

9. Even after 2 months, complaints about "Jet Lag".

 

8 . Avoids eating spicy food.

 

7. Tries to drink "Diet Coke", instead of Normal Coke.

 

Eats Pizza instead of Dosa.

 

6. Tries to complain about any thing in India as if he is experiencing it for the first time.

 

Asks questions etc. about India as though its his first visit to India .

 

5. Pronounces "schedule" as "skejule", and "module" as "mojule".

 

4. Looks suspiciously towards any Hotel/Dhaba food.

 

 

 

Few more important ones:

 

3. From the luggage bag, does not remove the stickers of the Airways by which he traveled back to India , even after 4 months of arrival.

 

2. Takes the cabin luggage bag to short visits in India and tries to roll the bag on Indian Roads.

 

 

 

The Ultimate one

 

1. Tries to begin any conversation with "In US ...."

 

or "When I was in US..."

 

  

Lateral Thinking

Check out Lateral thinking . . .
Scroll down slowly and be honest to yourself.
Think like a wizard . . .








      Man
1. ------------
     Board







Answer = Man Overboard








Okay, let's see if you've got the hang of it.








    stand
2. ------------
      i








Answer = I Understand








OK . . .Got the drift?








Let's try a few now and see how you fare?








3. /r/e/a/d/i/n/g/








Answer = Reading Between the Lines








4.   r  
      road  
     a   
        d







Answer = Cross Road








Not having a good day now, are you?


Redeem yourself.








5.     Cycle
        Cycle
        Cycle








Answer = Tricycle








Easy to figure that one out ha!








       0
6. ------------
     M.D.
     Ph.D.








Answer = Two Degrees below Zero








C'mon give it a little thought!








      knee
7. ------------
      light








Answer = Neon Light (knee-on-light)








You can prove you're smart by getting this one.








          ground
8       ---------------
feet feet feet feet feet feet








Answer = Six Feet Underground








Oh no, not again!








9. He's X himself








Answer = He's by Himself








Now you're messing up big time.








10. ecnalg








Answer = Backward Glance








Not even close!








11. Death ..... Life








Answer = Life after Death








Okay last chance . . .  








12. THINK








Answer = Think Big !








And the last one is real fun - - -








13. ababaaabbbbaaaabbbbababaabbaaabbbb . . .








Answer = Long Time No 'C'

 

Attitude Matters

An old man lived alone in Minnesota. He wanted to spade his potato

garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have helped him,
was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his
situation:




Dear Son,

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my
potato garden this year. I hate to miss doing the garden because your
mother always loved planting time. I'm just getting too old to be digging
up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over.
I know you would dig the plot for me, if you weren't in prison.

Love,
Dad




Shortly, the old man received this telegram: "For Heaven's sake, Dad, don't
dig up the garden!! That's where I buried the GUNS!!"

At 4 a.m. the next morning, a dozen FBI agents and local police officers
showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any guns.

Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what
happened, and asked him what to do next.

His son's reply was: " Go ahead and
plant your potatoes, Dad. It's the best I could do for you from here."

The Best "Out-Of-Office" E-Mail Auto-Replies

1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.

2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.

3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management

5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.'

(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-Duh-visuals did this over and over).

8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

9: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

10: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.

11: I've run away to join a different circus.

Multiple Yahoo Address for the Same account

Yahoo mail beta and the original Yahoo mail is now available with professional looking 'dot' addresses. Each existing Yahoo address can have another address as an alternate e-mail ID, which shall share the same Inbox as the primary ID. This is best, since we can now have a professional 'firstname.lastname@yahoo.com' address without having to worry about maintaining another mail account all-together. Mails sent to or from either mail ID shall come to the same inbox and you can use either ID as the sender ID.
Get your new alternate email ID at :
Just Click on this link

You can create an account with dot with same password. This ID will have mails going into the inbox of existing account. You can login or send or receive mails on either ID. You can also create another dot ID by creating totally new account from signing from mail.yahoo.com.
Log in anywhere on the Yahoo! network (Mail, Photos, Messenger with BT Communicator — the list goes on and on…)

Cool One Liners

If you're too lazy to start anything, you may get a reputation for  patience.  
.......

I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
.......

I talk to myself because I like dealing with a  better class of people.
.......

Never try to drown your troubles... Especially if he can swim.
.......

Smile, it makes people wonder what you're thinking.
.......

Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out.
.......

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station.
.......

By the time a man realizes that his father was usually right, he has a son who  thinks he's usually wrong.
.......

Teachers are those who help us in resolving problems which, without them,  we wouldn't have.
.......

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
.......

Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.
.......

There are three sides to every argument: your side,my side and the right side.
.......

An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
.......

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
.......

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
.......

NotePad Tips and Tricks

If you press F5 in notepad, it will insert current date and time in the file. I think most of us know about this notepad trick. It is also mentioned in the Edit menu of the notepad. I am going to talk about a trick, which is related to this,
Sometimes we want to insert current data and time, whenever we open the file in the notepad. If you are a lazy person like me, who don't like to press F5 whenever you open a notepad. Then here is a trick to avoid this. Just add a .LOG  in the first line of your text file and close it.
Whenever you open the file with that text in the first line in the notepad, it will insert the current date and time at the end of the file. You can start entering your text after that.